#SoloDateinaNewPlace

Whenever I manage to go somewhere new, I make it a mission to treat myself to something. Today tho, I'm just in the mood for tea, so that's what I have, tea from Peet's. Finally. I made it to the west coast, and let me tell you.... the world done fucked up forreal! My mom was right, I do in fact like it too much, and that's just in regards to the weather and the weed. I don't even know the people yet but the barista at this cafe, Domo, he was sweet, and my hostesses are pretty cool too. So, so far I fucks with it alll the way. It's kind of too good to be true, and that scares me some. With the exception of the sketchiness. Like, idk why but they're sketch as fuck here, or it seems so at least. And just like New York, it smells like pee. It might even be worse here actually. 

However, I still have this looming feeling of disaster. I could just be anxious, cause you know, the future is endless. I've been realizing how dependant I am these last few days. It's wild cause at home I'm praised for my autonomy and independence, but here I feel like I need help with everything. It could be something that's necessary cause I'm new here, but hopefully it's short lived. I like it tho, I have everything I need ya know (Except a restroom). I've been working on telling myself that it's an actual possibility, to have all you need and desire.

The first night I was here, I was greeted with a hot blanket fresh out the dryer and I was in love. I was eavesdropping on a conversation and I'm glad I did cause it changed my perspective a little. She said she don't feel no type of way giving to people cause she lives in surplus. And I'd never really thought of it that way. I'm forever trynna humble myself and do without any extra, but in actuality I might just be denying myself all that's good. It's a hard balance to find when it comes to living the life of luxury and humility. My mom told me I don't always have to sleep on the floor, if I work for a nice bed then I should have it. I think I've convinced myself that sleeping on the floor is better for me tho. It might take some work to reroute my thoughts.

I'm realizing how much I love to talk to people, but not everyone wants to hear it lol. I don't care too much tho, as long as you love me.

G40 Art Summit

So.... like I do, I went to this art show solo last night.

Before I start this let me say, I've taken a vow of abstinence until I'm 26.

That being said: I'm stupid. Going to this show yesterday was straight TORTURE. I know, it shouldn't be that I can't have a normal conversation without the intent of sex at the end, but my mind wanders so I'm trynna combat that. I had to overt my gaze with some of the women there cause I stare like a dog at a hydrant. It was painful tho, like I could barely enjoy the art. Even tho that shit was awesome!

Most of it at least. I try not to hate on other artists but I swear I don't understand how some people price things. It's hard for me to see monetary value sometimes. Unless I can account for the actual production costs, I can't see how to determine how much the value is. Not always, but if I see cardboard cut outs for a grand I'm gonna be confused.

I was so excited to see one artist's work. It was a train set th that was all tagged up! Two of my favorite things! Trains. And graffiti. If you know me you should know that. Simple as it was, I told myself I would've bought the whole set if I had the money.

Other than that, the atmosphere was cool. It was held at the Art Whino, I think. At first I wasn't sure if that building was just a place for the show, or if that's the actual place of the Art Whino. It looks like a gay church from the outside and initially I thought "That's where I'm supposed to be!" Then I thought nah.... but I was right in my instinct. Inside was real hip hop, writing on the walls, live dj, not too crowded but just enough people to feel like you're somewhere, had a nice Argentinean malbec and I was in my zone.

Unlike most of my solo adventures tho, I didn't feel completely comfortable. I was alright being alone, but I felt like I wanted to be part of that group. I figured it should've been easy for me to integrate, cause it's just one, but somewhere along the way I retreated within myself. Maybe I was intimidated? I guess. Also, I've become weary of people so I kind of came to the conclusion that if they don't approach me or look like they wanna be approached then there's no need to step out my way ya know.